This blog piece is dedicated to my person,my sister,my friend and to you who have also lost a loved one to death😔. May the strength and comfort of The Lord be with us now and always🌹🌹🌹.
And seeing the multitude, HE went up into a mountain 🗻, and when HE had sat down, HIS disciples came unto HIM and HE opened HIS mouth and taught them saying :
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven Blessed are they that mourn😖, for they shall be comforted . Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth🌍. Blessed are they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy .Blessed are the pure in heart♥, for they shall see God Blessed are the peacemakers,for they shall be called the children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven .Blessed are you, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad for great is your reward in Heaven, for so persecuted they, the prophets who were before you. You are the salt of the earth🌍, but if the salt looses it’s saltines, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot .You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid, neither do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a lamp stand, then it gives light unto all .Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in Heaven. Matthew 5:1-16
The earth is aging, time passes by really fast, Its almost like a mirage. Life withers away like a flower, today it’s here, tomorrow it’s gone without a trace. Sometimes we loose our loved one to the afterlife a bit too soon. We are broken, our heart💕 is badly bruised with painful wounds buried deep within. Wounds that send tears running down our checks. With such times each heartbeat forms a tear and our eyes are always teary because our heart💕 is bleeding. I appreciate you feeling so sorry for my loss, I really do. To tell you the truth I feel sorry for my loss too.
I embrace silence, my smile☺ fades away, my home denies me joy because it is incomplete,. I embrace mourning which announces it’s presence where ever I go by my clothing preference and mood. When I look myself in the mirror I see the glow on my face slowly vanishing. The present is unbearable, the future uncertain, memories from the past flood my mind drowning my thoughts. I am lonely. When we are bereft of joy,a sense of belonging, companionship, love, serenity, a happy home, a complete family, and the simple beauties of life that brings completion. We are broken and shuttered yet the love of GOD holds us together. There are many lessons learnt as life advances. Growing up I have come to know many truths. Going on my now lonely journey, I realize by seeing so so vividly that lying ahead is the forest,the deep woods. I didn’t expect to have to go through this forest called grief, it’s lonely, the winds are chilly, the snowy rains are endless, the ground is ice❄cold . I wish I could choose not to walk through. I wish there was a way around it, but there isn’t because you’re not here anymore. Here I am not only facing my worst fears but living it . I am traumatized, my emotional wounds lead to my psychological injury. Everything about me is shutting down yet there is hope for I am not of myself but of GOD. I am in a season where the unexpected has caught up with me. I realize I am badly torn up inside and out. An absence has become a presence, emptiness fills me up. Sometimes I want to scream out my pain, sometimes I feel the erge to run🏃very far so I can search really hard for you but I know I won’t find you. You’ve become invisible belonging to another world. Though my loss makes my winter seem unending, spring always returns. Deep within my longest coldest winter, a flower blooms with its roots buried deep in the frozen soil. As time passes by getting to work seems inevitable, the bricks of acceptance lay idle. There’s a lot of courage and strength needed in putting up the foundation of what looks like a new life brick by brick but who am I kidding there isn’t any strength to source from😢 for my strength continues to fail😔me. I look up to GOD, HE takes me through the minutes of my life. In HIM there isn’t a need to hide how I feel, HE knows my heart. I am living life a second at a time. Almost all the time I miss that feeling of connection, knowing you were just there, knowing you were simply out there somewhere,thinking of us and I of you. Maybe my world knows darkness but I am it’s light. I still keep up faith,I trust in The Lord, I know HE takes the best care of you. Prayer travels across worlds and dimensions, you forever remain a part of me. I did ever have you with me once, you made and still make my everyday special for though you belong to a divine time frame, a new world, you did impact my life so much, memories of you continue to make each day worth living. You influenced my life so much, you were such an important part of me. I have become you in your absence. Many say I remind them of you,when they see me they see you. We were a team and we still are, you may have travelled so far, you may be out of reach, yet before you left to reside with your Maker, God gave me you. You are my most precious gift, a gift which makes me complete,you are the sun☀ in my day, you also shine through my moon at night. You are the part of me I need to survive this. The bond we share in love with GOD is not broken. You may have disappeared from the surface of planet earth🌍 but you are alive in the presence of The Adonai, Jehovah The Most High God. My strength is found in the Lord. I am more than confident of your support. There may be a huge space of silence in time between us. This is really happening, however living with God means the devil is defeated. Jesus won Victory over lucifer on the Cross. Your memory feels like home to me, so when ever my mind wanders through and across thoughts,it always finds it’s way back to you. It’s true, laughter now is a feeling my body rejects but it’s no fault of mine. Anytime I try to false myself into laughing, I end up enable to even manage a smile, I just sign. I wonder when true laughter will relieve me of my signs. Then once a while I unknowingly find myself smiling, however my eyes do not smile along. It’s said that a true smile forms in the heart then lights up the eyes. For now I don’t know anything anymore but little by little I’ll get through. Where there is love, there’s a way. God loves me so I will find my way. Its funny how we never know exactly how life will go. It’s funny how dreams can fade with the break of day.
Although my grief may not resolve and I get stuck in deep despairing and hopeless sadness,my Jesus holds me close. I know Jesus tells you how am doing so you don’t worry. Family and friends are a great support, their care for me really helps. They are there for me in every way possible, so I am confused and shocked because I was doing well then suddenly it feels like I’m not getting any better. When I feel this way it’s usually because around such times I realise that you’re never coming back. I know loneliness and grief are intertwined. There’s no time duration when grieving, yet I must confess I worry I will sound and look strange when I tell all those trying so hard to help me heal that I feel worse each day. I miss you so much it feels I can go on no longer. I bottle up this feeling covering up the emotions I feel in heart 💓 with an “okay looking” face. Then anytime I am alone I pour out my heart in prayer to My Creator, My Maker. The God who has you safe and sound. HE who watches over you.With your passing you’ve become a memory I am forever treasuring 🌹🌹🌹.
I’m always choking back tears😢. I feel pain, I feel fear. An imagination of life in your absence defines loneliness and explains how alone I am. I’m not fine, I’m not okay, I suppose sometimes it’s really okay not to be okay. Home was with you, now I do not know where home is anymore. If your home is with the Lord, I believe my home lies with HIM too for I am one with God through Christ. HE lives in me and I in HIM. I can’t tell how life will unravel, what turns life will take. I take careful steps into the future,I must honestly admit I am scared. I’m following Jesus’ lead. I will be okay. When sorrow like sea billows roll towards me I fear I will drown,The Lord takes my hand , We walk on these strange waters. HE looks into my soul, HE smiles😊,HE tells me “I’ve got you, I’m here”. God keeps watching over me as HE watches over you. God is all I have. All will be well, all is well. I’m covered with the Supernatural presence of the Holy Spirit. IT IS WELL ⛅.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18.🌹🌹🌹